Goombas Were The Last To Join Bowser's Army
by C. Mechayoshi
Summary: Goombas were the last to join Bowser's army. (Fact) This however isn't. (Maybe)


**Goombas Were The Last To Join Bowser's Army**

 **Summary: Goombas were the last to join Bowser's army. (Fact) This however isn't. (Maybe)**

* * *

Goomba, a small little mushroom man, an immigrant from the Mushroom Kingdom was dressed well for graduation. His blood red graduation gown reflected the skies, the lands, his life. The move wasn't easy, but the royal family of humans and their first rate citizen class of the 'toads' had forced this goomba among many to abandon the lands of smiles and rainbows to instead live in darkness.

Dark Land to be exact, class of 1985.

Goomba had in mind criminology, not unexpected when coming from where others were legally allowed to stomp you with little to no recourse assuming they were of the privileged toads. A goomba doing so much as looking the wrong way could be subject to guillotine. After accepting their diploma however, Goomba noticed an odd hammer brother college recruiter. There was something enticing about his stand which was only a table with a black drapery on it, adorned with a red Bowser family crest.

"What school is this?"

The hammer brother grunted. "This ain't school. It's war." He slid an enforcement slip his way. "Take a look. King Koopa ain't picky and I'm seeing lots of you wising up."

Goomba had an interest in world history and his collection of Encyclopedias were frequently thumbed through (or whatever the goomba equivalent of that phrase would be). The Koopa Kingdom had always been at odds with the Mushroom Kingdom. With their current human king growing old and reserved while conversely their Princess becoming wiser and bold with her endeavors (one could hardly hear the radio without some political talk of how kind, smart, pretty, etc she supposedly was) it only made sense that Bowser would want to strike before they became too strong or some grand warrior on their side sprang out of nowhere. (That last notion was rubbish, but Goomba was quite fond of Fantasy.)

War could benefit a goomba. He'd have a guaranteed place to lay his head, funds for his studies, and a sense of respect. Oh, but there was that pesky bit where you'd have to actually fight. Oh well, he was young and this was the best time to get a good start.

Holding a black pen, Goomba signed the bottom of the official Koopa Troop enlistment as 'Goomba Goomba'.

...Goomba always thought it was odd that his name was 'Goomba'. It could be worse. Princess Peach had a famous mushroom retainer named 'Toad Toad', whatta loser!

* * *

"Connor is down!" cried koopa troopa eleven as he ducked behind tall grass.

"Not there," whispered Goomba, too late. One second later and a toad armed with an earthenware vessel cracked it upon the scout leader's skull. Goomba was now the last alive in the team.

He knew the odds would be this way, that he'd soon find himself faced upon his oppressors once more. This time however he wasn't powerless. The ever clever koopa scientists discovered a natural herb that harmed humanoids (both humans and toads, which raised questions regarding shared genetics. Goomba was not a science buff enough to pry) to the touch. Goombas as a race were a large portion of the Koopa Troop and the ones making the most use of this, rubbing it on and simply walking into others like a force field. It wasn't the army's main weapon however.

That was actually a 'scepter'. An 'invention' of an enigmatic sort, this transformed the toads into hard solid minerals. Goomba wasn't sure why Bowser wanted this, it sounded more like an excuse to be a weirdo if anything, but that was what he was making headlines with. Problem was, that scepter was long gone when their aerial Lakitu class general got shot from the sky. It was now Goomba, his force field, and the toad staring him down.

Frightfully that was. Goomba detected their shaky legs.

"Boo!"

"Ahhhhhhh!" screamed the toad, running away as if they hadn't just brutally attacked. Goomba was feeling brave, he chased and followed through the foliage to eventually an open field. He'd hit the jackpot.

The land stretched upwards and at the apex of the cliff was five other toads and the Princess herself setting down casually for a picnic. Goomba heard reports that she was rather daring and arrogant, choosing to be outside even a week after Bowser first invaded, but to walk right on her was one in a million.

Goomba slowed down, passing by a single large green pipe with no mind.

"Surrender, now princess!" Goomba shouted confidently.

The princess wrinkled her nose. She was a blonde teenagerish looking girl in a pink dress. The Mushroom Kingdom's finest, apparently.

"Who let _that_ here?!"

In a brilliant light, emerging from the green warp pipe sprung up a human male, dressed with a red shirt and blue overalls. A force shot him up the hill right into Goomba, knocking out the soldier while the man continued rolling into a flat patch of grass. Marked on the man's hat was the letter M.

"Oof," he grunted, rubbing his head while his witnesses stared in awe. Peach especially stared him down, her blue eyes sparkling with sudden interest at seeing a fellow human.

"Please oh please help us!" she plead, taking a complete change. Somehow, even though her eyes were dry a second ago, tears gushed down. She became a blithering mess, her and her toads who without words followed onto her lead.

The man got up, glancing quizzically at the others and his bright sunny surroundings. "Wow, this is a really really nice part of the block. Did I stumble into some kind of a costume party?" he asked with a rather thick accent.

"No, that horrid creature is trying to kill us! Get him!" Peach pointed to the lone goomba soldier who still lay unconscious.

"Uh, what animal is that?"

"A goomba. They are vicious, lazy, and brainless creatures that are made of pure evil," one little toad answered. "Stomp them if you ever see any!"

The man shrugged. "Sure I guess? My name is Mario by the way..."

* * *

 **Author notes: You might find this pointless. Yeah it kind of was, but I'd never seen this exact idea written in a fic so here you go. The story goes that Koopas were too complex they thought for new players or something (which is odd, because old school games are pretty tough) so they programmed the even simpler goomba's into Super Mario Bros. That's how we got goombas! That doesn't explain the whole Goomba's being rebel Mushroom Kingdom citizen things, but I suppose the oddities involving SMB1's story line are a whole different topic.**

 **Created: 10/16/18**


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